Given New Worlds Read online

  The phone indicated that several text messages had been received along with two telephone calls. Not yet willing to hear the anger of Sean’s new self, Abby gave Oyana’s messages precedence. There were each sent about one hour apart.

  Did you arrive safely?

  There is big problem at the orphanage. Do not come near the hospital today.

  Do not return until we contact you. Ayubu husband has caused much trouble.

  The last one was sent about fifteen minutes ago. Abby rested her head against the rocking chair, relieved they’d gotten Ayubu out when they had. Hopefully, Dr. Otieno would call in his men before things got out of hand. Abby had seen the guards on many occasions. When a gang broke into the hospital demanding drugs, when Dr. Otieno was forced to provide care for a group of hostiles involved in an ethnic cleansing war, and when one of Abby’s roommates was stabbed in their apartment. Dr. Otieno had sent for them. They wore dark clothes and flak vests, hid in corners of the surroundings, and watched like hawks. Abby had sensed a comfortable familiarity with the guards, having grown up with security surrounding her. But the other women had found it unnerving and insisted that the guards be removed as soon as the threat deteriorated. Of course, no threat was completely absent. Just like an angry husband looking for his escaped wife, there was always danger, you can’t hide from it forever. Abby knew that fact intimately.

  She hesitated to look at Sean’s texts. One had been sent only twenty minutes ago. He’d also left two voice mails. She set the phone down next to her, not wanting to hear his apologies. She needed space. She needed to regroup and seek God’s guidance. Everything was spinning right now, there were no answers. Instead, she would rock and sit, rock and sit, just as she used to sit with sweet little Caleb. He would rest in her arms, trusting her completely, knowing that she was his protection and comfort. How soothing it must be to rest in the arms of someone you could completely trust. Abby had thought she’d had that feeling in Sean’s arms, so many months ago. But now, they were in different worlds. A world of freedom that came at a cost.

  CHAPTER SIXTY-THREE

  ABBY must have fallen asleep on the porch, because stars were in different positions when she awoke to a sound. Her world had rotated as she’d slept. A shuffling on the side of the house alerted her to a presence in the yard. When they’d pulled up earlier, she’d seen the dogs that frequented the farm, and surely they were now snuffling around for rats and snakes under the house.

  Lifting the phone, she pulled up the message app again. Sean’s name showed bright on the screen, but Abby was hesitant to tap the icon. Instead, she watched fields in the distance ebb and flow in waves as heat lightning illuminated their movement.

  Another sound, closer this time, sent her body into high alert.

  Then, before she could react, a hand clamped over her mouth and she was pulled back to a horizontal position on the rocking chair. She began to struggle out of her hold but saw Sean’s face looking down at her from above the chair. He had the forefinger of his right hand pressed against his lips in a quieting warning. Abby nodded in agreement as he lifted his hand, the chair returning to an upright position, and eventually removing his hand from her mouth.

  “Are they here?” Sean whispered into her ear, then stepped quietly around to the front of the rocking chair. Abby wasn’t sure who he was talking about. And her voice had gone into shock mode. She didn’t answer.

  “Did they arrive yet?”

  Yet? Abby felt unease corrupt her nerves. She shook her head, watching Sean’s angry eyes dart from one corner of the house to the other. He was wearing a jacket. The kind you could hide a gun inside.

  He grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the chair. Attempts to jerk out of his grasp were unsuccessful, as he was too strong. He pushed her against the front door and leaned down to her ear. “Open the door… quietly.”

  She felt the continued pressure of Sean’s hand on her arm as she opened the door. He tossed her inside before doing a thorough search of the few rooms, then pointed to the door of the children’s room.

  Abby shook her head and was finally able to find her voice. “Ayubu is in there. No windows. No way for anyone to get in,” she whispered.

  Sean did one final glance around the living room. “Too many windows in here. Come into the other room.”

  “Why?”

  “We need you out of sight.”

  Abby began to walk to the other bedroom, but she must have been too slow, because Sean placed his hand on her back and ushered her like a stray child into the room. Then he closed the door.

  “What are you doing here?” Abby asked.

  “Protecting you.”

  “A lot of good that’s gotten us,” Abby muttered, then instantly regretted it as Sean’s eyes narrowed in the dim light and his face became hard with rage. “I didn’t mean that,” she apologized.

  “Don’t lie. You meant every bit of it.”

  She stopped talking. It wasn’t worth it. His breath was ragged, and she could almost feel the blood rushing through his veins in the dark of the night. Would this turn out like Ayubu’s situation? Would Abby end up in the hospital? Her jaw crushed and… she couldn’t consider that. It was too frightening. She thought about screaming and waking up Ayubu who was sleeping on the other side of the house, but what if this was nothing? Only Sean being paranoid, wanting to protect her from… what?

  “Who are you supposed to be protecting me from?” Abby asked.

  “There are a multitude of answers to that question, but I’m not going to explain them to you now.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t want to frighten you.”

  Abby almost laughed at his statement, but the truth was… she was already frightened, and it wasn’t by any boogeymen that he was ready to defend her from. It was Sean.

  She crawled onto the bed while Sean made sure the thick curtains were drawn tightly against the window, then he sat down next to her. She wanted to kick him off yet seeing as how the only other place to sit in the room was the floor, she allowed him to stay, but not before she scooted into the back corner of the bed, placing a big, fluffy pillow in front of her. It wasn’t much protection, but at least it made her feel better having a physical representation of a Do Not Cross line in front of her.

  “I really screwed up last night,” Sean said, his voice still tight with anger, but with a trace of decompression within the words.

  The thrum of the light rain on the roof was a soothing cadence. Maybe it would calm Sean as well.

  “We both did,” she said. “We know better than to do things like that in public. Everybody has a camera.”

  “I meant the shooting.”

  “Yes,” Abby admitted. She didn’t know what to say. He was right, he did screw up. “That was bad.”

  “The pictures haven’t surfaced yet,” he said. “We have a team working on it intermittently between jobs.”

  “Well, that’s good.” She wasn’t sure if by ‘team’ he meant the military men that had helped fix the roof of the orphanage, or something related to his new day job. She didn’t ask.

  “Did you even get my texts? My calls?” Sean said, again his voice becoming tight and scary. “Or did you throw the phone in the garbage?”

  “I saw that you contacted me, but I didn’t pull them up,” Abby admitted. She wanted to punch him. What made him think that she even wanted to see him again after what he did, after the way he’s been acting? “You shouldn’t be here.”

  “Yes. I should,” he retorted.

  “I want you to leave.”

  “I won’t.”

  “I’ll scream.”

  “Try it.”

  Abby knew he’d called her bluff. Her damaged vocal chords didn’t give her the ability to scream. It would only come out a haggard gasp. “Ayubu would be able to hear me.”

  “What’s she gonna do? Probably just run away.”

  It was true. Ayubu was a scared rabbit. There’s no way she would defend Abby a
gainst a man wielding a gun. Abby could see Sean begin to get agitated, so she closed her mouth and sank further into the corner. The sound of the wind and rain against the house would have lulled her to sleep if not for the man two feet away.

  Sean rotated his body on the bed so that he was facing her. “I don’t want you to hate me, Jamie.”

  “I don’t hate you,” Abby said. “I’m scared of you.”

  “Maybe you should be.”

  Abby didn’t reply. She only sat. Waiting.

  Waiting for what? For morning to find them still staring at each other with no words, no communication? She looked around the room at the pictures and furnishings, hints of Oyana’s sister and her husband. Oyana had said that when her brother-in-law had come back from Mozambique he’d been tired and angry. Sean looked tired and angry sitting in front of her. His eyes shifting from her face, to her toes, to the pillow she held in front of her. How had Oyana’s sister been able to accept that angry man into her life? How had she managed to look into her husband’s new world and decide that she wanted to live there? Abby didn’t know if she had that ability.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  Abby wasn’t sure how to say it to him, but he needed to hear the truth. “In the other room is a young woman that has been abused by a man she’d thought she could trust. I don’t want to be that person.”

  Sean’s posture slumped and he lifted off the bed.

  She continued and motioned towards a family picture that hung next to the closet door, “But this home is proof that, once in a while, people can get through their damaged selves to find those small uncorrupted pieces in each other, then find a way to see through the scars and the rough surface to what lies underneath.”

  Sean shifted on his feet but didn’t look down at Abby.

  “I just don’t know which one this is, Sean.”

  “I would never hurt you.” His words were flat, unprocessed. As if he was trying to prove them to himself.

  “You shot at a man last night. You are angry and paranoid. This is not the Sean that I grew to love. I just need to know who you are.”

  Sean walked to the window, once again peeking out into the black rain of the night. “I don’t know who I am anymore. I know that I’m the man that loved you…, but I can’t get it out of my head… what happened to you, and what happened afterwards.” His eyes glanced back at her as he spoke the last few words, as if he were wondering at her reaction. She still didn’t know what had happened. She didn’t want to know, so she refused to ask. “Those things destroyed me,” he groaned quietly. “I don’t think I can ever be the same person again.”

  “You won’t. And I don’t expect you to. I just need to find out if I’ll be able to live safely with this new person.”

  “Safe,” Sean snorted. “Don’t throw that word in my face.”

  “I’m not talking about keeping me safe from the media, birthday stalkers, or the general populace. I’m talking about you. How do I know that you won’t hit me someday, that it won’t lead to further assault and worse?”

  Sean spun around, fire in his eyes, his hands shaking in frustration. “God, Jamie! Is that really what you think of me? A monster? You think I’m going to beat you and rape you like that guy at Minck’s house? I would never do that. I will fight for you, would kill for you, I would never hurt you.”

  She flinched at his use of God’s name in anger, hating that this was another new part of Sean, but knowing that what he had gone through, what he had assumed had happened to her, had caused some sort of giant rift in his relationship with the Lord. “I wasn’t raped,” she muttered.

  “Do you know that for a fact?”

  Of course she wasn’t. She would have known. She would have felt… something. Abby remembered fleeting moments after the event. There was pain. So much pain. Her whole body had turned into one giant ball of raw nerve endings. But then there was nothing. And she had woken up days later.

  “Why would you even say that, Sean? Are you trying to hurt me? Don’t screw with my mind.”

  Sean stepped to the opposite corner of the room and slid down the wall into a sitting position on the floor. “Dammit, Jamie. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t want to hurt you.” He rubbed his palms against his forehead. “Maybe you’re right.”

  Then a knock on the door startled them. “Sister? I hear voices. Are you safe?”

  Abby glared at Sean for a moment before answering. “For now,” she growled in English. Then switched into Swahili. “I’m fine. The door isn’t locked. Come in. We have a guest.”

  The knob turned and Ayubu entered. She was wearing Abby’s yellow skirt; the one she had worn to the restaurant at Sean’s hotel. It looked prettier on Ayubu’s dark skin.

  “What is going on?” Ayubu asked quietly. “Who is this?”

  Sean stood and tipped his head. Ayubu flinched before seeing that his nod was a safe gesture.

  Safe-ish, Abby thought.

  CHAPTER SIXTY-FOUR

  ONCE introductions were made and the tease of morning light began to drift through the cracks in the curtains of the house, Abby made breakfast and they sat around the kitchen table eating sweet potatoes, sausage, and Pop Tarts.

  Ayubu was quiet. She would eat a few bites, stare at Sean, stare at Abby, and then take a sip of tea. Sean and Abby made polite conversation while Ayubu watched.

  Finishing half her food, Ayubu stood to bring the dish to the sink, but before she made it past the table, Sean’s hand shot out and grasped the plate. It was his right hand and clearly didn’t have much of a hold, but enough to stop Ayubu in her tracks.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, letting go. “Let me get that for you.” He laughed. It was an unsure vibration, as if he couldn’t quite manage casual banter anymore. “I’ll finish your food. Wouldn’t want it to go to waste.”

  Ayubu set the plate down in front of Sean but didn’t leave. She threaded her fingers together and stared at him and Abby again. “Abigail Ellwood and Sean Court,” Ayubu said quietly.

  The sound of the chair scraping against the rough floor as Sean stood sent Ayubu to the corner of the kitchen in fright. Abby watched as his hand positioned itself under his jacket. She knew there was a gun under there. She wondered how close he had come to using it.

  “How do you know our names?” His words were spoken in English, but Ayubu knew what he was asking.

  Tears and fright appeared in her eyes as she placed her hands in front of her face in defense. “The picture. You are in the picture,” she cried.

  “Stop it!” Abby ran around the table and shoved Sean against the wall. “The Power Couple picture. She saw it when she slept at my apartment.”

  “And you told her our real names? What were you thinking, Jamie?” he grabbed Abby’s arms and glared at her.

  “She asked who it was. I just said the names. I didn’t know that she would recognize us.” Abby pulled away and walked towards Ayubu. “It’s okay. He has a big mouth, with big words, but he won’t hurt you. He’s not like Keambiroiro.” Abby wasn’t sure if she believed herself, but she needed to calm Ayubu.

  Sean sat once again at the table and nibbled off Ayubu’s plate while Abby took her into her arms and let the woman’s frightened tears fall. She knew the feeling and could understand it to the core of her own body, but she wouldn’t let herself cry, not with Sean sitting there. Abby didn’t want to provide any sign of vulnerability. If she were going to figure him out, she was going to have to be strong.

  “When I went to see you last night, I talked to one of your roommates,” he said quietly. Abby could barely hear him through Ayubu’s tear-filled moans, but she knew that what he had to say was important. “I couldn’t understand her. She was talking so fast. I was having trouble translating. She just kept saying ‘He’s going to find her. He’s going to kill her.’”

  Abby watched as he continued to pick at the food on the plate, none of it going to his mouth anymore. “I thought she was saying Abby. I co
uldn’t figure out why she was using your other name. I didn’t realize she was saying Ayubu.” Guilt swept over his features and he swept his fingers over his head, crumbs and grease settling themselves in his hair.

  “What did you do, Sean?” Abby could see that she wasn’t going to like his response.

  “I couldn’t understand her, so I went to the hospital, to talk to Mama Zawadi or Dr. Otieno, anyone that could tell me what was going on. It was bedlam. The hospital was on lockdown, and the kids from the orphanage were secured in several of the ICU rooms. But he had Nathan.”

  “Who had Nathan?” Abby asked.

  Sean’s eyes flicked towards Ayubu. Abby knew immediately who he was talking about. Keambiroiro had been there.

  “There were four armed guards stationed around the hospital, and two at the orphanage, but he had Nathan at the well, and they couldn’t get a clear shot.” His eyes once again glanced to Ayubu. Most likely hoping that she couldn’t understand much English. “He kept asking for her. He was going to kill that little boy unless they told him where she was. I saw his eyes. I knew that he would kill, I’d seen that look before.”

  Abby watched Sean’s hand lift the coffee to his lips. The shaking was almost imperceptible, but she saw the liquid shiver in the cup as he drank. “In Afghanistan?” Abby whispered.

  Sean only glanced at her without acknowledgement. Abby didn’t want to take a chance that Ayubu would hear the rest of the conversation, she didn’t want to hear it herself. So, she helped Ayubu to the bedroom and got her calmed enough to rest, then ushered Sean to the front porch. The rain had stopped, and the morning light glistened over the fields, smug in its ability to overpower the winds that had whipped through the crops the previous night.

  Once settled firmly in the rocking chair, with memories of holding baby Caleb comfortably in her arms, Abby was finally able to gather the strength to ask. “Is Nathan okay?”